Old Ragtime: A Violent Short Story

 

There's a community open mic comedy night at a college lecture hall. It's one of those where the crowd yells out topics, and the brave soul on stage has to immediately come up with funny bits. A few college students go up first, and do pretty well.

The next comedian is the first woman to take the stage. She has a bubbly personality, quick smile, and large breasts. People shout out topics, and one guy yells, "Big tits!", she frowns, points at him, and says, "I don't like him", then moves on, listening for other topics. 

The emcee of the show— a burly, barrel-chested man- gets out of his seat and signals to a security guard across the room. They begin to make their way towards the guy— who notices what's happening and begins to squirm.

They arrive at his seat, and in one quick motion, each of them grab a wrist, and yank him out of his chair. The crowd Oooo's and the woman protests into the mic, "Oh come on..."

They pull his arms back behind his head so his face is towards the ground, and begin to manhandle him down towards the stage. They walk past the woman and stop at an upright piano standing against the stage wall.  

Keeping firm grips on each wrist, they kick the man's feet out from under him, hoist him into the air, and then throw him down against the piano, not letting go of either wrist. The man winces and jerks, trying to escape.

They continue, playing the piano with his body.

The crowd cheers, on their feet, ecstatic, the most entertaining piece of the night by far. The emcee and security guard sing an old ragtime song as they play, and those who know it sing along. "...by ho! by alley! by hey!...... by hey! by hey! by hey!" 

The man is screaming, crying, trying somehow to prevent the next blow. The woman interjects, "Oh come on, stop it already, he's had enough". The punishers sing one more refrain before lifting him up extra high, then thrashing him down one last time on the now bloody piano for a final dissonant chord.

With wrists finally free, the man shoots to his feet, yelps and punches through a glass display case hanging against the wall. He turns to shriek at the audience— stringing spit, tears, and blood from his mouth mixed with pieces of broken teeth and glass. The crowd cheers— clapping, laughing...

Out of the crowd, a little boy approaches the stage crying and holding out his palm. He reaches the hysterical, shaking man and wraps his arms around him. They both weep, and somehow the child is more distraught than the man. The crowd's laughter and cheering die down. 

The boy leads the man off stage, taking his hand they walk together. Cupped in the little boy's free hand is a bloody shard of glass.