Wilderness Therapy

 


    So I work for a "Wilderness Therapy" program.
 

We provide a structured and safe wilderness backpacking experience for teenagers and young adults to work through whatever issues they might be facing (or not facing). 
The "students" are backpacking continuously for 3 months.
The "guides" work an 8 day shift. 
This is a story that might give you some insight as to what the job is like.
P.S. there is a song at the end.

―――――


    After 5 days of being ostracized, made fun of, and systematically rejected by a group of 3 teenage girls that have bonded most over their shared disgust for me, I unexpectedly burst into tears during my TC (Truth Circle) share. 

The topic was, "What does the word 'parents' mean to you?"
At this time every night, we all sit in a circle around the fire and share from our hearts about the question.

Laura (name changed for privacy) was the last person to sit down, and instead of taking the obvious last available seat next to me, she went out of her way to sit on the opposite side, creating a letter "C" shape instead of a complete circle. My co-guide Alyssa addressed the gesture: 
"Laura, why don't you sit right there and complete the circle?"
"I'm already here, it's fine" 

So not to make a big fuss over it and draw attention to the insult (which would have been denied and then argued) we carried on with Truth (incomplete) Circle.

"Parents means two people that will always love me"

"Parents is two people that are supposed to always be there for you and listen to you, but my parents are like two strangers that I grew up with in my house"

"I know this is not part of the question but Laura, when you sat away from me that hurt my feelings"
   -begin emotion

"I am just trying to do my best and it doesn't feel good, I feel like a bad person when you do that, so I just wanted to express to you how that made me feel"
   -pause. build emotion

"okay now I'll share about my parents"
   -begin tears

"oh no"
   -sniffle

"now i'm getting emotional"
   -sniffle and wipe away tears

"okay, so parents are two people"
   -actively start crying

"who are supposed to always be there for you and love you but they don't "
   -win the Oscar

"always because they are people and people are, they hurt others, but my parents really try to love me, and I try to love them, and i'm thankful and, and that's what 'parents' means to me, i'm sorry for crying"
   -wipes away more tears, continues sniffling

............

Other people share, but the mood has been deflated by my unexpected breakdown.

I don't know if I looked manly, or weak, or what, but it happened, and I didn't plan it so it was all genuine emotion that just came pouring out.

You see,
the thing about working in Wilderness Therapy is that you can only tell yourself, "they're just children, hurt people hurt people, it's not about me" for so long....

No matter how thick your skin is, sometimes you break.

But that's something I started thinking about after this incident.

The next day, while hiking through the woods with my happy companions, I thought to myself:

In order to withstand the consistent bitterness I face at my job, I could grow a "think skin"...

BUT I REFUSE! 

I'll keep my skin the way it is - permeable and thin. I will not harden my heart to the world but rather, soften it.
Because you know what?
Alyssa approached my tarp shortly after TC:

"Hey Joseph, Laura wants you to come over to her tarp and check in"
"okay, right now?"
"yeah"

Alyssa and I walk over to Laura's tarp and sit down...

"I'm sorry for the way that I've been treating you these past few days, when I get angry I just get out of control and carried away and there was no reason to start or continue it and i'm sorry for hurting you"

.............

"Thank you for saying that Laura, that means alot. It doesn't feel good to be treated that way, and I appreciate you taking responsibility and I totally forgive you and look forward to seeing our relationship improve tomorrow"

"okay, sounds good"  
    -she nods bashfully,
   -Alyssa and I quietly exit her tarp.



―――――




This is a song I made
called "Wilderness Therapy"

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